So recently, I have been thinking about a conversation that my friend Emily and I had about Twilight. Yes, laugh all you would like, I am human, and I am female, so naturally I would be thinking about it.
The night after the movie, I went to my Psychology class, very tired and very drained. My little row of friends were buzzing with debate of which character was more lovable, which movie was better, and what not. It was then that this little comment spurred a whole week's worth of thought-
I live on the third floor and I find myself thinking about this every time I do the stairs. No matter the day, as soon as I hit the fifth stair, the sentence from Emily fills my ears...
"Her true love never should have left her".
All this time I have been an Edward fan, defending his jerk-like actions. I hated those who found Jacob's rugged handsomeness appealing. But it was on this day of debate, the 20th of November 2009, that I had this epiphany- this thought and instant parallel about what this media industry has done to me.
I love Edward. He left me. He abandoned me when I was finally comfortable and happy. This whole time, I have acted just like the little victim of the movie- I am Bella. How could a soon-to-be BYU Graduate fall into such a little trap. I spent the whole second book hating her helplessness... and then suddenly I was.
The worst part, is that I still believe Edward will come back.
When I watched that show my heart was shredded. It was the pain of months of loneliness all compiled into a lovely three hour sitting. It was the image of me... all the tears I spent crying on floors, not of a forest, but still just as desolate. It was all the fear and need, the desire to see him. It was the months of motionless pain, watching others live though the window. It was the desperation of finding ways to him- riding motorcycles, writing pointless emails and thinking of ways to get him to talk to me...
Emily was right, if he is a "true love", why would he ever leave her?! Why would Edward leave her alone to fend for herself? Is it to show Bella that she can do all things alone? Is it just simply to test her love? What is it that made him leave, was he just afraid and couldn't be there for her!
Very very dramatic and pathetic is my thinking. But I must say, Edward does come back. Bella just has to wait.
The media has built up a little girl hope again- The instill such false thoughts of what love is like. I grew up believing my life would be just like Cinderella's. I would work really hard and then one day it would just come to me, and I would wear a pretty dress and marry the handsome prince. Each chick flick is a joke!!! They teach women that love is out there and to keep looking. They teach that we are victims by our choice, but they don't show us how to escape it. It was so painful to see myself in such a helpless person. It was so painful to know that there is heartache like that in the world. The media gave me unrealistic expectations of love. I hate that I keep falling for them over and over. It makes me angry and makes me hate not just them but myself.
Edward comes back for Bella. And I believe he will come back for me.
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