These Four Walls

When I get to work, I usually am counting till I get to leave. But when it gets about an hour away I start to dread going home. I know that it means time on my hands and homework that will be pleading to be done. I am so tired though that all I want to do is sleep on the couch.
I am not sure why this is.
I am grateful for the fact that my life is full of good people who are there to support me. I stayed up till 12 talking with a guy friend about the day and his new romance possibilities. It is funny that talking about puzzles and tacos can fill time happily.
I am finding joy in the journey- or at least attempting to do so. It never is really easy to ease back into old habits. But the thought that continues to return to my mind is that "...but I'm pretty". Its been months since I used that as an excuse. I don't know why I even stopped saying it. I miss the old me, the one who laughed and knew that everything was alright. Now I am at a point where I am trying to make my way down a muddy hill. There are many ways I could walk- but I am not sure which one will causes the least amount of falling. I am searching for a new apartment- but nothing seems to fit me. I keep thinking and rethinking and praying and asking, making phone calls, and praying some more. I am tired of the search, I just want the answer.
But I have faith that whichever path I choose now, will lead me to a hill that will start a new journey for me. I am excited for a new climb- a new hand to hold. I am excited for the life that I can make. I just am so confused what I am supposed to make.